The last few weeks have been so hectic. Between work, a sick cat, promoting and preparing for the release of my book and packing my entire life to move, 2020 has been a whirlwind and its barely gotten started. I've made a point to remind myself to stop and look at what I've accomplished. My inner monologue goes something like this: Don't downplay your shit! Don't act like it's nothing and doesn't matter. You've achieved a lot and you should be proud of you! I've been doing this a lot lately, whenever and wherever it pops in my head. It's usually followed by a huge smile and I look like a weirdo in the grocery store or at the gas station but I don't care, I'm proud of myself. Throughout my life I've never allowed myself to feel my accomplishments or be proud of myself even when people in my life were clearly proud of me.
With everything going on in the last few months, I've also been thinking a lot about the people in my life that I would love to share my accomplishments with but can't. My aunt died a couple years ago from cancer and her absence has left a grand canyon sized hole in my heart and life. She was my aunt, my godmother and my friend. She didn't have kids of her own so her nieces, nephews and god children were all her kids in a beautiful way. I started travelling with her in summers when I was five and she showed me art, jewelry, different types and styles of food and people from different cultures and walks of life. I could go on and on about her. She was also the person that introduced me to what we liked to call "woo-woo stuff." I was on a trip with her the first time I remember seeing a crystal (it was an amethyst). She introduced me to sage, meditation, animal totems and so much woo-woo stuff. One of our favorite trips was to Sedona, AZ and I always talked to her about living there someday. She never said you have to do this or that, she just gave me information and it was my choice to use it or not. Most importantly she listened to me without judgment which was hard to come by early on in my woo-woo journey.
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| The dedication page from my book. |
She was always my 2nd or 3rd phone call when something exciting happened and when I found out I was going to be writing a book, without thinking, I opened my phone to call her. For a moment I forgot she was gone and remembering she wasn't physically with me anymore hit me harder than Thor's hammer. I could hear her happy laugh and squeal when I called her with the news. She was so inquisitive, if I could've made that phone call it would've lasted at least an hour. And she would've been so excited about my new house. Day one she would've had my closets and clothes organized by season and color, there'd be ten paint options for each room to choose from and she'd be driving the sales clerk at the furniture store crazy looking for the perfect couch and accent pieces. I miss that.
This book wouldn't have been written without her, so dedicating the book to her was both fitting and heartbreaking. I know she's still around, I know she's proud of me and will continue to support me and push me forward. So much of who I am is because of her and I know she believed I was strong and capable of accomplishing anything. So to honor her, Crystals for Emotional Healing is dedicated to my woo-woo Aunt Carol and I'll continue to stop and be grateful and remind myself to be proud of who I am and what I've accomplished because anything less would be disrespectful to the people that got me here.
~S
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